Dark Secret
by NickyJean
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Snape believes Harry is over rated. Well step into his mind and find out...REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW


Title: Dark Secret

Arthor: NickyJean

Summary: Have you ever wondered how Harry survived? Why Snape thinks he's over rated? Well let's find out.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but willing to take what you can offer. Except dirt. I have way too much dirt.

Distribution: If you would like to post on website, please e-mail me with information and request. I like bragging rights.

Pairing: None.

I glared at the 6th year class. Both the Gryfindor and the Slytherins struggled with the current assignment, all except for maybe one. "Professor Snape," came the voice that made me cringe. "Is this the correct consistency?" There stood Hermione Granger at my desk swirling a vial of the potion that had stumped rest of the class. "I don't think is should be this blue. When I was looking in the book, it didn't seem right-"

I couldn't take much more of her prattle. Sighing, I looked up slightly bored with once again having this twat before me. "Yes, Ms. Ganger, that is correct." When she smiled that perfect little way of hers I couldn't stop the snarl, "But don't expect me to stroke that fragile ego of yours like your other professors. If I might hazard to remind you: your book doesn't have color picture so knowing the 'right shade of blue' seems to be hard to believe." 

The little twit was effectively put in her place as she slinked back to her seat. I watched as the golden boy and his sidekick glare at me as they tried to reassure her of 'what an impossible professor to please' I am. Far be it from me to disillusion them. 

Turning back to the essays I was grading, I couldn't help to but feel a stare from the other side of the room. There sat Mr. Malfroy, quite too pleased with himself, if you ask me. He enjoyed watching Ms. Granger being put in her place. He smiled at me most approvingly but wasn't disappointed when I didn't return his smile. It's just not my style to show enjoyment at another's expense. Hard to believe, I know, but lets face it, it's not my style to show enjoyment for any reasons. 

I turned back to the people in question. These three are the hope for our future, our defense against the Dark Lord. Oh, Merlin are we in for it. The Weasly is all gruff and grit, you might as will give a fencing sword to Mr. Hagrid for as much finesse as that little gutter snipe has. Then of course you have the all-knowing bookworm there. I doubt very much that she would be able to breathe if she hadn't read it in a book somewhere. The girl seems to have absolutely no common sense. And then our prize, Harry –The Boy Who Lived- Potter. I'm still thunderstruck at that little grasp of reality. 

Of course the truth is, I can't blame them. They, the Wizarding World, really have no idea how what really happened. But then how could they. I kept silent about it for so long. I swore no one would find out. Especially Albus. I think he would rip out my heart with his bare hands and shove it down my throat. 

Now the Dark Lord. I think he would actually be proud of the depth of darkness I reached to out wit him and foil his plan to obliterate the Potter line. Of course keeping the family alive was meant to release me from my Wizard Bond with that git Potter. But as I handed the potion to Lily, she smiled and reminded me ever so sweetly how I owed her a debt as well. It was her, that convinced me to betray the Death Eaters and, dare I think it, Lord Voldemort

I remember going to Hogsmead, soon before graduation. On a mission, a mission the Dark Lord via Lucius Malfroy sent me on. A mission I took gladly enough. Thought I would be quite willing to do. 

There I was, about to poison Sirus Black for being the dog that he is, pardon the pun and prove my worthiness to the Dark Lord when I realized with a disgusting bout of shame that, well, I couldn't do it. The thought of killing someone, even one I hated with a passion seemed, well, disturbing. 

Just as he was about to bring the potion to his lips, I slammed myself into him and bringing the cup of mead and death crashing to the ground. After a few chose words on my clumsiness and his intelligence or lack there of, I left the Three Broomsticks wondering how on earth I was going to survive the Dark Lords wrath. 

As I escaped to the alley, heading toward that bloody 'Shrieking Shack' I collided with Lillian. She wasn't what one would call a beauty, but her beauty captivated me. But then again she belonged to that tosser Potter. I always believed she could do better, even Wolfs-pain-in-my-ass Lupin would have been a better choice, but who am I to judge. 

I digress. The point is she is the reason I went to Albus. She was able to come up with the cover story that I needed to gain the trust of the Death Eaters. She's the one that helped me become a spy. In a way that meant more to me then actually saving my life. Sure I'm probably alive today because of Potter. But my life has purpose because of Lillian. So yes, I did owe her. 

And thanks to that chip off the old block Harry, who seems to be constantly in danger. And let me tell you, it's very exasperating, trying to keep the boy from getting himself killed, especially with all my other responsibilities. Of course the boy is under the impression that he's blessed, charmed, born to greatness because of his unexplainable survival. 

Well, I can explain it. I did it. I am the one that blessed him. As I mention earlier, I gave Lillian a potion, a potion that was to save all of them. I never really knew what happened, why they all didn't take it.

Lillian asked me how I made it I refused to tell her. I couldn't admit to what I had done. 

The girl I had to-. Bloody Hell, it still hurt to think about it. To know what I did, to have her blood on my hands. 

But the girl, she came to me. (Not that that's an excuse or reasons.) I wasn't even sure how she knew my name or what I did. Most people that did know about me would have assumed I served the Dark Lord. Maybe that's why she did come to me. Maybe believing that I would do this thing she need done was enough. 

I was in my office studying my theory for a counter curse for the_ Avada Kedavra_. I was so into my research she actually startled me. Her name was Angel. She was a stunning creature. She told me her story. How she was at her family home when she was attacked. Her family was slaughtered before her eyes and she was raped repeatedly by the Dark Lord himself. He said her beauty was the only thing that kept her alive why those around her died horrid deaths. 

That was two months ago. She said a seer sent her to me. That her tragedy was key to the Dark Lord downfall. 

At first I had no idea what she was talking about. But then I looked at the parchments before me. Puzzle pieces in my mind started falling into place. She had the one thing I needed to actually make this potion a success. The one thing I could never ask another human to give and she was here begging me to rid her of it. 

She was carrying his seed. All those hours of torture left her with his spawn. Sure, it's easier to think that the thing inside of her, that she was forced to conceive, was just as evil as it's father. But it wasn't, it was innocent. SHE, that little baby girl, was innocent. But I pushed all those sentiments aside and relieved the girl of her child. I kept it alive long enough to suck the essence of life, the very soul from the child. Giving the potion a way to defeat the Killing Curse. 

I studied it and tested it on lab rats. I failed. It wasn't enough. The child's blood was enough to steal the powers of the father once he cast the spell but the subject of the spell would still perish. There just wasn't enough life essence to keep the victim alive. 

I stormed to the room where I was hiding Angel. I wanted to vent and knew she would understand. But when I got to the room I found her lying on the floor slowly bleeding. She actually thanked me for finding her in time. Saying she didn't want to die alone but had to start without me, afraid I would try and stop her. I had her in my arms before she could protest. I raced up the dungeon stairs, for once angry at not having the freedom to apprate within school grounds and being so far away from the hospital wing. 

It was when we were passing my office that she told me to stop. That she said her time was almost up and she need to give me her essence for my potion to work. Angel explained, how the seer told her the mixture wouldn't work with just one life and she refused to live with the nightmares of her family and the violation that the Dark Lord gave her. 

I knew she was suffering, I heard her screams at night since her arrival at Hogwarts. I've seen the results of her night terrors. She told me how she was surprised she held on this long without going insane. I almost ventured to tell her that killing herself is far from sane. 

She must have read my mind because she laughed. She told me that this was her destiny. Her life that Lord Voldemort was so willing to release was going to be the key to his down fall. Even though she already knew neither one of us were going to admit that we were behind it. 

I watched her eyes grow slightly dimmer. I know she may have went slightly insane, but I have all of my faculties and I refuse to allow another person to die for something that might not work. She warned me that to refuse her was to let countless more people die. Now I don't know about most people but I refuse to debate the philosophy of war with someone bleeding all over my robes. I started once again to race toward the hospital wing. 

She struggled against me, but in her weakened state, her petite form was really no match for me. Then finally on the last step to the main hall she made one final plea. "Please, you can't kill them. The Potter line will end. One of the few people you consider to have respect for will die if you don't give them this potion. If I don't do this, everything I've been through will mean nothing. I will not survive. I refuse to continue this hideous existence. It is your choice if my death will have a purpose. I want it to have a purpose. Please don't deny me that."

I don't know what broke my resolve. Whether her words or her pleading eyes. Or the fact that deep down, I already felt it was too late for her, not in body but in spirit. So I complied. I took her back to my offices, unnoticed by any of the staff. 

Once there, I was casting spells and chanting. I watched with a heavy heart as the white mist, her life essence bleed from her body and poured itself mystically into the cauldron. As her life ebbed away, she looked at me with sad eyes. "Don't tell her how you did it. She'll never take it if you do." Once the mist dissipated, I knew she was lost. Angel went to where angels belong. 

That very night the Dark Lord called to me. The Death Eaters were hitting the Dumbledore loyal families tonight. Voldemort discovered somehow where Potter and his family were hiding and they were going tonight to destroy them. 

I was meeting with Lillian anyway to pass along some vital information to the ministry. I paced the rendeavux point frantic. As soon as she arrived, I told her the attack was coming. That her, James and her son needed to drink that potion. I admitted that I didn't have time to test it but I knew it would work. I felt it in my blood. She asked me if I could make more and I felt the blood drain away from my face and my heart stutter. I shook my head unable to speak. 

Lillian looked at me, giving me her most piercing gaze. She asked me how it was created, if I used dark magic. I refused to answer any of her questions. I countered with the fact she was running out of time to save her family. She had to get back to them. The Death Eaters would be at her door step soon and there wasn't time to just leave. She reluctantly apprated and that was the last I saw of her. I'll never forget the disappointment in her eyes. She must have known what I had done. She must have sensed my descent into darkeness. But she didn't know how much that journey really cost me. Or how I would do it again to save her life and that of her husband and child. 

She must have decided that it was worth her son's life if not her own. For he lived while next to her broken body lay the shattered vial. I wonder if she even told James. I somehow feel she would have been honest with him, she always was for some reason. 

BOOM

I was jarred from my thoughts back to the present. I looked up knowing what I would see. Longbottom wearing the contents of his cauldron once again. At least this time it wasn't something with an aversion to skin. I rose menacingly from my desk to continue my life of the under-appreciated. 

Don't worry though, about you keeping this to yourself. I'm really not that worried about you ability to keep what you can't remember secret.

__

Obliviate!

~fin~


End file.
